Wednesday, May 28, 2008

another note to private

(Because this is cheaper than therapy.)

I don't know what to do with the fact that you emailed me.  I responded, but in an intentionally dull, disinterested way.  In a way meant to hide the fact that every one of my brain cells were pinging wildly around in my head.  And that my heart was racing and that I wanted to vomit a little from all the nerves.  Four months of blowing me off and now you decide to get in touch with a little howdy do??  If the phrase WTF was ever meant for something, it's this.  WTF.  Where have you been?  What are you doing?  Why are you getting in touch now?  Why not four months ago when I was ready to lay it all out.  Perhaps that's the biggest question.  Why *are* you getting in touch?  What are your intentions?  Do you even think about stuff like that?  Was it just a fleeting moment of nostalgia?  The ice cream and old pictures get you thinking, "Oh yeah...her."?  I cried (briefly) last night just from the clouds in my head.  It's the first time I've done that in four months. WTF. You've got me thinking, but I don't know what to do with it.

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